Books to the Sky

Archive for the ‘recap’ Category

The most hotly-anticipated recap of the summer has finally arrived–this time, with sexxins!

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OMG! Back! With the first book of the series I have not yet read prior to recapping!

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Oh, darling, you look so sexy in that parka!

Oh, darling, you look so sexy in that parka!

Line, Publication Date: Harlequin Romance, 1981
Cover Steaminess: 5. Classic clutch, but they’re both wearing parkas.
Back of Book Description: “For reporter Sarah Grey it was the assignment of a lifetime—accompany the supertanker Arctic Enterprise on her maiden voyage through the Northwest Passage. Despite the hazards involved she was determined to turn in the best story she’d ever written. But she hadn’t counted on opposition from the ruggedly stern Captain Guy Court. Sparks immediately flew between them. And Sarah soon realized the sparks were not all hostile ones…”
Flowery Language Quotient: Low, but that’s mostly because no one gets jiggy with it in this book. There’s a little bit of groping, but everyone’s wearing parkas when it happens. Least sexy romance novel ever!

Sarah Grey is a science reporter who has just finished an article on the cutting-edge topic of recycling. Oh, 1981. She goes to see her editor, who offers her the assignment accompanying the crew on the maiden voyage of the supertanker Arctic Enterprise, which is about the worst name for a ship ever. (I didn’t actually know what a supertanker was. I had to Google it. You’re welcome. I suspect this is only big news because this is pre-Exxon Valdez, you know?) Anyway, it seems the owner of the supertanker, Tony Freeland, has taken a liking to our young Sarah, because she is a romance heroine and so stunningly beautiful, so she’s a logical choice for the job, but her editor thinks it’s a dangerous assignment. Then there’s an infodump about the boat, zzz. The gist is that the purpose of the mission is to collect liquid natural gas from the arctic to fuel Canadian homes (Sarah seems to be stationed in Ottawa) and there’s been some debate in the press similar to the debate over ANWR a couple of years ago: it’s a valuable resource, but we might have to kill some cute animals to get at it. Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, this one didn’t take several months to produce!  Success!

Recap of recap pt 1:  Anita Blake has been called out to raise a pack of zombies by Big Shot Lawyer Stirling.  He’s disputing ownership of a hill with the Bouvier siblings, two gorgeous fairies with flowy chestnut hair and weird-ass green eyes.  But there’s a lot of icky murdering happening out in the environs of Branson, MO, and Anita has to bring out the big nipples guns to deal with it – namely the always frilly Jean-Claude.  Oh yeah, and there are two Skele-pires.  Sorry for that fail on my part.

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destinyawaits1I think we have an instant classic here, gang. A spoiled heiress time travels back to the Old West and meets a handsome, be-mulleted hero.

Line, Publication Date: Harper Historical Romance, 1995
Cover Steaminess: 6. See the cover for yourself. It’s a classic clutch with a woman dressed in shockingly little given the bulk of this book takes place in 1885.
Back of Book Description: Here’s the book description.
Flowery Language Quotient: Medium-high. A couple of ham-fisted metaphors and off-color jokes, but otherwise not too bad.

We open in Carmel, CA, in 1995. Tess, a computer chip heiress, has a nasty cold. She fantasizes about sitting on the beach, sipping Perrier and reading Danielle Steel, then she mistreats her maid for a bit, then a mysterious lady shows up.

Tess acts insufferably rude, like a sad, spoiled child. I’ll save us some time and tell you that the lady is magic, and she talks about “inserting” Tess back where she belongs. Tess, apparently, belongs in Kansas. The lady tricks Tess into saying, “Spiritual Guide, I would like to have a look at my true fate.” Tess blinks, and suddenly, she’s outside and there are horses and dust and she is very confused.

Because Tess is now in Sweet Briar, Kansas, and it’s 1885! Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome back to the world of recaps! I’m sure no one’s interested in my laundry list of bad excuses for not having posted in years and years, so I’ll skip right over that.  I know I said that I’d only read up to the fourth installment of our favorite nipplicious series, but I soon realized after I began reading this one that I had in fact already read it. Huzzah!

Without further ado, mes petits, I give you… Bloody Bones, by Laurell K. Hamilton, part un.

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I think I’m about to ruin my teen years. The Final Friends trilogy was one of my favorite sets of books when I was about 13. I probably read it (if not the whole thing, then the last book) 3 or 4 times.

So let’s see how much I remember: this is a straight-up murder mystery without the supernatural stuff Pike put in his later books (this one’s (c) 1988). A perfect, pretty blonde girl bites it at the end of the first book, hot computer nerd Michael tries to solve her murder, and he’s joined by the love of his life Jessica (who falls for a probably-gay football player) and his BFF Bubba. There are lots of other characters, and they do typical high school things like going to sporting events and dances. And I remember how it ends, who the murderer is, but we won’t get to that just yet.

Can we start with the cover? As is the case with any good high school drama, all of the characters look about 35. And the guy in the bottom right corner is rocking an incredible red curly mullet. (I think this is Clark?) (You can see the cover at Like Pike, who also recapped this series.)

The curtain rises on Jessica Hart, who’s thinking that summering in Europe was maybe a mistake, because going to high school seems lame after conquering the Matterhorn. Plus, Jessica is starting a new school; the school district has decided the town doesn’t need 2 partially-full high schools, so Jessica has transferred with most of her friends from Mesa to Tabb High. (Mesa makes me think of Big Mesa, the rival of Sweet Valley High. Tabb makes me think of a soft drink.) One of these friends is Alice McCoy, who is two years younger than Jessica and “the sweetest girl in the whole world.” Alice wants to have a party so that the kids from Tabb and Mesa can get together.

Jessica knows she’s a knockout, but she hasn’t dated much, so she also thinks something might be wrong with her. Alice, however, is magnetic. (Also perfect, as you will see.) Jessica also gets jealous of a blonde girl in a cheerleader outfit that she sees in the quad. Alice knows that the cheerleader is Clair Hilrey, and she already plans to invite Clair to her party because Clair knows everybody. (*wink, nudge*) Clair is also gorgeous, according to Alice. Jess thinks, “She’s all right.” Heh.

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Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.
--Arnold Lobel

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
--Groucho Marx

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