Books to the Sky

Recap – Anita Blake, Bloody Bones, pt. 1

Posted on: February 9, 2009

Welcome back to the world of recaps! I’m sure no one’s interested in my laundry list of bad excuses for not having posted in years and years, so I’ll skip right over that.  I know I said that I’d only read up to the fourth installment of our favorite nipplicious series, but I soon realized after I began reading this one that I had in fact already read it. Huzzah!

Without further ado, mes petits, I give you… Bloody Bones, by Laurell K. Hamilton, part un.

Our novel opens on St. Patrick’s Day, and Anita is wearing a button that reads, “Pinch me and you’re dead meat.” But if the button’s green, there’s no need for threats. But without the button, there would be a need. My my, we’re one line in, and already my head is spinning. Clearly, the drinking needs to commence.

We get a description of Anita’s wardrobe in paragraph two, which seems like a good sign for the rest of the novel. She’s inspecting some gross pictures of bones studding the earth like scattered flowers, which sounds way less gross when she puts it like that. The photos are kind of arty. After reminiscing about New York City wine snobs (does she mean me?), she goes into see her boss, who is needlessly shifty for awhile, his eyes “the color of dirty window glass.” This is the description she always gives for Boss Bert’s eyes and should qualify for drink one of the evening.

The pictures were taken at the site of a potential job, where some shady lawyers want Anita to raise a two hundred year old gravesite to ask the occupants their names, ranks, and serial numbers. There’s two pages of Bert reminding Anita that she’s the only one in the world (seriously) who can do this job and Anita secretly preening while acting all annoyed. She insists on taking Apprentice Larry with her, and the two part ways on a needlessly hostile note. I have a feeling that “needlessly” will be the Word of the Recap today.

There’s a vaguely mystifying exchange opening chapter two which refers to a “junior partner” at the law firm as “the help.” I’ve just been on a grueling round of law firm interviews, and not one of them has used the phrase “junior partners”. Summer interns and junior associates could reasonably be referred to as “the help,” but probably not anyone with the word “partner” in their title, not even the sissy partners who work part-time (my spite is borne of envy). Bert tells her to be nice, and we all snigger up our sleeves.

Before she jets off to exotic Branson, Missouri, however, Anita has to pack and wish Boyfriend #1, WereRichie, farewell. She packs her knives, her guns, coveralls, and then new clothes meriting five paragraphs of description. It’s three short skirts and a red top which exactly matches one of the skirts, a “cold, hard color that looked great with my pale skin, black hair, and dark brown eyes.” That quantity of red is actually banned in California as a vision hazard. To top it off, she applies exactly three cosmetic products because we all know she has to wear makeup when she wears red, or the universe is bound to come to an end. Or something.

She reminisces about a terrifying airplane ride she once took, ponders springtime in St. Louis, and gives a running commentary on every turn she takes as she drives to WereRichie’s place of employment. She feels smug that she, a grown woman who makes a steady income, is dressed better than most of the fourteen year old girls, who are subsisting off babysitting money and allowances. When she sees Richie, she lusts, despite the fact that he’s clad like banana in bright yellow. One of his students cheers Richie for landing the babe in the blinding red get-up, and they sneak out of the classroom to make out in the hallway.

And there are nipples! Drink! I’m not sure I’ve ever felt up my boyfriend’s nipples in broad daylight in a public place, but clearly I’m missing out. As they make out some more, the students watch like the little pervs they are. As Anita leaves, she recaps the mildly salacious events of the past couple of books – namely, the part about giving equal time to Richie and JC. Why don’t I get to raise this objection with Brad Pitt? Angelina gets five years with him, I get five years with him. Or at least his nipples.

Next chapter opens in the helicopter, and Apprentice Larry is way too amused by Anita’s fear of flying. His hair, you’ll be interested to know, is “the color of a surprised carrot.” Junior Partner Lionel strokes Anita’s ego some more, and then blinks a lot, which means he’s lying. Surely flying in a helicopter with God knows zipping through the air has nothing to do with that. Lionel refuses to be put out by Anita’s needless needling, but her ego gets some more stroking as the construction guys at the site voice their appreciation of her little red skirt. Some dudes walk over to them, one of whom has muscles “not from racquetball or a little tennis, but from plain hard work.” We’ve seen this before, I think. No sissy gym muscles here!

Senior Partner Stirling, with freakishly pale eyes, is one of the dudes. He joins in on the Anita love-in, glaring at her for being so gosh darn pretty. When he expresses concern about her attire and she replies that she has some reasonable garb in her suitcase, he suddenly gets all pissed off, and she’s only too happy to reply in kind. WTF is this random hostility she inspires in people??

Soon enough, they both realize that they’re wasting daylight bitching at each other, and they get down to business. The Bouviers claim to own this land that Stirling wants, so Stirling wants to raise these corpses to tell the world that they are not, in fact, Bouviers. I giggle every time I see the word “Bouvier” because it’s well known that this is Marge Simpson’s maiden name. The Bouviers, Magnus and Dorcas, run a restaurant called Bloody Bones and mysteriously refuse to sell their land for vast sums of money. An establishment with a queasy-making name? Surely there’s nothing supernatural going on there!

Stirling and Anita go up the mountain together, and they bitch for a page about who’s going up with whom. There’s a gorgeous view from the top, if you ignore the bulldozed hillside and the skeletons sticking up like freakish calcified crab grass (that was my own creation). There hasn’t been enough Anita love in this new chapter, so Stirling opens by sighing sadly that he can’t bully Anita and can’t bribe her; he’s afraid that the corpses will say they’re Bouviers, you see. He’s cagey about why they won’t sell when we all know perfectly well that he knows, but he does admit that they’re locally known as witches. Just then, the cops page Anita, and she’s shocked when Stirling doesn’t recognize her name from the papers. But she’s managed to surprise him and not many people do that.

I must interject here. The same thing happens on the TV show Monk; somehow, cops and cop-related people who solve big cases end up on the front page and suddenly everyone (except bitchy Senior Partner Stirling) knows their names. WTF is this? Can any of you readers name a single police officer in your city?

Back at the bottom of the bone-filled hilltop, Anita calls up Dolph and finds out that there are yet more dead bodies in the area. He doesn’t think they’re vampire attacks because chunks are missing, but he doesn’t know any more; Sergeant Freemont is afraid that the “headline-stealing” Anita Blake will steal both glory and headlines. We get a brief look into Anita-verse politics as they discuss a bill that would give vampire executioners the legal status of federal marshals. Despite the convenience it would mean for Anita, she’s just too gosh darn pure to want all that delicious power.

She also conducts a remote investigation for the vampire body Dolph is dealing with up in St. Louis. Within thirty seconds, she gives Dolph a lead and ponders politics a little more. She leaves the job site in a Jeep provided by Junior Partner Lionel, Larry in tow. Larry is way too excited to see his first murder scene, but he calms down a little when she tells him it’ll be awful. It’s no lie, either; when they arrive, he manages to make it a few steps away from the body before he throws up.

If I’d been smart, I would have remembered to not recap this particular bit after I ate, but such is life. It seems there’s a sword what’s been chopping limbs and faces off young men in Branson, Missouri. It’s kinda gross, and Anita can’t figure out what happened. It’s several paragraphs of gross, and Anita barely manages not to throw up. As Sergeant Freemont condescends as she asks Anita what happened, Apprentice Larry walks up, “face the color of yellow-green tissue paper.” Why not construction paper? Or just abstract yellow-green?

In discussing the place of women at crime scenes, Anita informs us that, “You had to be tougher than the men…” thus invoking one of my novelistic pet peeves – the second person in narrative! She does this all the time, actually, but it’s extra annoying when it begins a sentence. They bitch at each other, but Anita grudgingly admires the Sergeant when she shows a speck of brain cell. They curse at each other some me, and then we get a monumental dose of teh stoopid in which it takes Sarge half an hour to get the point Anita is driving at.

Sarge: “If [the killer] was human, I’d say we had a serial killer on our hands.”

Anita: “We may have.”

Sarge: WTH?

Anita: If you were an emotionally defective person, you’d be an emotionally defective vampire.

Sarge: *flings own feces* Eh wot?

Anita: Say you’re a serial killer. Then you rise again as a vampire. You’re still a psychopath.

Larry: *theatric gasp*

But then she backtracks on the whole vampire idea, and she modestly shrugs off all the media attention she gets. After Anita has handed Sarge every clue she’s found so far, Sarge bitchily insists that she will run the investigation and call in Anita when it’s time to stake the creature. Is there any way in which that makes sense?

They leave for the Bloody Bones Bar and Grill, and Larry insightfully comments that it’s really dark, twenty-odd miles out of Branson, Missouri. On the way, they see some trees that have been ripped in half, and Anita finds this strange. They get out – side of the road, in the dark, middle of nowhere, near the site of some repulsively violent slayings – and strangely enough, Anita feels a bit odd and decides to scoot back to the car.

Back in the car, Anita makes a bbq joke, and Larry nearly gets sick. It’s a classy joint, all polished wood and candles. And then Anita gets self-deprecating on us when the women in the bar turn as one to glare at her. She’s perplexed at the hate because she’s not the kind of woman to elicit jealousy on sight, she modestly disclaims. She’s not tall, blonde, Nordic, exotic or beautiful enough. Gee shucks. It’s not like there’s a seximous vampire and a seximous werewolf vying for her affections.

But the bartender is the epitome of beauty, what with hair that falls to his waist “like thick, chestnut-colored water,” – a man “androgynous as a cat.” WTF? Most animals look pretty androgynous to me. Why not androgynous as a dung beetle? Anita senses some serious mojo going on when the bartender, Magnus Bouvier, goes fairy godmother on a homely brunette. When Anita threatens him, he tells his sister Dorrie to take over the bar as he goes to sit with Anita and Apprentice Larry.

When his chestnut-water-haired charms don’t work on Anita, he decides to lay hands on her instead, and he’s just flabbergasted when she pulls away. He agrees to cut out the magic, and she reveals that he’s part fairie. Not that kind, homo arcanus. Okay, I do like that there’s a scientific name for fairies. I wonder if vampires have a scientific name. Anyway, he tells Anita that the Bouviers are well-known witches around these parts. She counters that he must be unseelie court because no one of the seelie court who could create these glamors would interbreed with humans. Oh snap.

As their dull conversation proceeds, Anita thinks that, “He was like a really fine sculpture; you wanted to run your hands over it and feel the lines.” Dude, do not let this woman in the Louvre. It turns out that fairie magic is legal to use with the consent of the parties, and I guess this comes close enough. Magnus makes big eyes and asks if the unseelie would do anything as gosh darn nice as making ugly humans pretty, so they can have one fleeting night of beautiful people sex.

They exchange niceties, and Magnus draws out that she’s a necromancer. I guess it’s a really profound moment. Somehow, Anita draws from an innocuous exchange – Compliments will get you nowhere (Anita); What would get me somewhere? (Magnus) – that he wants her body. I thought he was just asking her not to cooperate with Stirling; guess it’s not paranoid when everyone really does want to jump your bones. He tells her that sex between supernatural beings is always amazing, and she modestly insists that she’s no supernatural being. “Modestly” may be the other Word of the Recap.

He offers to give her her meal on the house, and she refuses on the grounds that she doesn’t take favors from people she doesn’t like. Clearly she doesn’t have mountains of student debt to pay back. We get a glimpse into some tension between Magnus and Sister Dorrie, who doesn’t approve of this glamor business. Magnus watches them order, interrupting a totally private conversation to tell Larry that “Something awful swims up behind your eyes.” He reveals that he only gets general impressions, that Dorrie is the far-seer of the family, when Anita tells him to stop looking in their heads. He also reveals some witchy powers from his human half.

As Anita and Magnus have a parting conversation at about two inches’ distance, “Something slid behind his eyes.” I’m pretty sure it’s a tapeworm and Larry and Magnus should probably get that looked at. We find out that it was Magnus who cut all those trees down, on a drunken rampage. His parting line is that he eats all sorts of things, and Anita thinks she’s been insulted. No, I’m pretty sure that’s a straight-up proposition.

Anita makes ketchup joke, and Larry glares at her. Just then, Dolph pages her and interrupts the merriment. He relays that, while Sarge had nice things to say about Anita (huh), she seems to be pulling a Lone Ranger and not letting anyone else on this case – the body count of which has just risen. The MO is way different, though, and Anita boggles. She tells Dolph about Magnus’s heritage, and he agrees not to spill.

He sends her to Monkey’s Eyebrow to see the latest victim and try to fend off Sarge from royally fucking this up. Judging by the two hundred pages left to go, I imagine there’s a good deal of fucking up in store. Larry’s not exactly thrilled to be visiting another crime scene, but that’s what you get when you want to be a vampire executioner, idiot. They have a pointless exchange about vampires eating versus killing, and Larry seems bizarrely shocked that a vampire would let someone bleed to death after the vamp had fed. Wow, psychologically disturbed vampires? No way!

We sit through nine paragraphs of descriptions of the dark country road from Bloody Bones to crime scene #2. The cop who stops them leans way into the car, exposing both his questionable taste in aftershave and his gun. Anita reminds us that, “Guns don’t care how big you are.” She continues to inspire needless hostility from those around her, this time in one Deputy Zack Coltrain.

The murder scene is eerily quiet. When she rings the doorbell, Anita goes off an a three-sentence tangent about the woman’s hair and then another three-sentence tangent about being short. Curly-hair is Beth St. John, wife of the local sheriff, who’s been sitting up with the parents while the men investigate. Much like Bloody Bones, this house is all class: crystal chandelier, polished wood, blue and white ad nauseaum. After showing Anita in, Beth hurries away to make coffee and be sick in the kitchen sink.

David St. John, local sheriff, has hair both paler and browner than Larry’s “surprised carrot orange,” and eyes a “perfect pale green like cat’s.” Anita muses that most men refuse to shake hands with her; is this book set in the little-known part of Missouri under Taliban rule or something? Anyway, apparently Dolph didn’t warn Sheriff St. John that Anita was coming, but somehow St. John is immune to Anita’s Hostile Ray. They go into the victim’s room, and Anita kindly calls it “a room for a much younger girl,” all pink and lace and very queasy-making.

The victim is on the bed, black hair styled, gaudy make-up smeared, slutty teddy ripped at the crotch, and inner thighs marred with vampire bites. Anita notes that her breasts are “well-formed,” and thinks angrily that the killer could have covered her up, “not left her there like some whore.” What’s that, Anita, prostitutes deserve to be murdered without any respect for their human dignity? She sends Larry out to the car to get the latex gloves, and Anita chats with St. John.

The Sheriff is remarkably dense about the girl’s get-up, insisting that a vampire broke into the room and killed the girl. Anita suspects the girl was expecting a visitor and that she’s planning to come back. The parents want her staked, but Anita is a little uncomfortable with this. But she’s more than happy to go after the vampire, and she waxes dramatic with the Sheriff about how if he goes after the vampire with her now, he might Never See Beth Again. Ever ever. Also, she needs a court order to slay a vampire.

Anita asks if there’s a Catholic or Episcopalian church nearby, for holy water and the holy wafer. As an Episcopalian, I can tell you that I’ve never seen holy water in an Episcopal church when it wasn’t baptism day or something. It’s not just hanging out in a font in the front, like in Catholic churches. Anyway, she wants to put them on the windowsills and thresholds, so the vampire doesn’t come back in.

Anita leaves the scene to hang out in the blue living room, and we meet the bereaved family. The father’s skin is thrumming and his eyes are glittering, and the mother’s eye makeup is streaked all down her face. That’s not actually what happens with eye makeup when someone cries; it sorta pools under the eye in a dark blotch. The brother looks twelve, but he’s self-possessed with rage in his eyes. Sounds like a serial killer in the making, but what do I know? Oh, an there’s a yappy little dog in the boy’s lap, with the improbable name “Raven.”

The parents want to stake their daughter (Ellie), and Anita angsts about her complicated ideas about vampires and evil. They say that the damnation of their daughter’s soul if she rises again is a fact, not a wishy-washy belief, and in apparent attempt to twist the knife just a little more, Anita goes into detail about the head-chopping and stake-driving. The dog barks at Anita, and she wonders if he barked at the daughter’s boyfriend-pire. The father wants Anita thrown out when she suggests that his daughter let the vampire in; what, does he think she usually wore a teddy and red nail polish for studying calculus?

Anita finds out that Ellie’s no-goodnik boyfriend Andy disappeared recently, and Anita draws the boy, Jeff, out on a flimsy pretense which even he sees through. Anita warms up to him by calling his dad ‘bitchy,’ and he thinks it’s totes cool that she’s a vampire hunter and zombie reanimator. His room is done up in a cowboys n Indians motif, which I find both infantilizing and racist. Turns out Andy and Ellie were always making out in the halls at school, which Jeff did not appreciate. But he thinks she would never leave him, and it was pretty gosh darn weird when she didn’t care he was gone.

Larry interrupts to inform Anita that the bushes outside Ellie’s window were crushed. Um, thanks, dude. Anita assures Jeff that they’ll find and kill the vampire who killed his sister. When the kid leaves, Anita reminds Larry that he went outside, in the dark, alone, where there’s a known vampire in the area. She angsts that Larry’s just too much of a n00b but admits that he found a helpful clue. Anita ponders that Ellie met her boyfriend-pire in the darkness, “the better not to see him for the walking corpse he was,” and I call hypocrite on her for all her JC lusting.

Officers Wallace and Granger appear on the scene as Anita exits the house, and Anita’s Hostile Ray is back in business. Anita taunts Wallace for a scar he has, he swings at her, and she knees him in the stomach. Of course, getting beat up makes him respectful, and finally we get down to business. She unbuttons her clothing and shows him her own scar, and for some reason, she feels it necessary to make him relive the death of his old cop partner. Anita assures him that she’s scared even though this is her job. Bonding!

Anita gives the Vampire Huntin Pep Talk, and then they’re really down to business. As they wend through the woods, Anita gives us a bunch of “You this,” and “You that,” about wending through the woods at night, and it grates on me. Larry trips over Anita, and Coltrain yells at her, then at Wallace. Smooth, guys. Suddenly, a dark figure comes toward them! She shoots one vampire, but it seems there are more. She blows the head off a blonde vampire, but another one knifes Coltrain through the throat. Another vampire pounces on Anita, but Larry scares it off with a really big gun. Granger got chewed on, but he’s alive for now.

Anita feels power flowing across her skin and thinks there’s a really old vampire out there. Just then, Really Old Vampire takes over Granger’s mauled body and sloooowly raises his gun to shoot Wallace. Anita fires, and Granger keels over again. Wallace can’t comprehend why she would do such a thing and cries. People keep screaming in the distance, and Anita hightails it back to the house. The poor dog is crumpled on the ground, and a weird sword-wielding Skeletor-pire is advancing upon the grieving family with a brunette vampire at his side. The Sheriff takes care of the brunette, and Skeletor flees before the Great Anita.

Beth St. John is dead on the carpet, and Skeletor has abducted Jeff. The father thinks it’s the kid’s fault, for not being strong enough on his faith. Hey Anita, maybe you could not argue with parents grieved out of their minds, okay? Let it go. The Sheriff is singing a song to his dead wife, and Anita concentrates very hard on not going batshit on them.

Oh look, Hostile Lady Detective Freemont is back! She’s pissy that no one called her about another vampire out on the loose, but it comes out that she never told anyone there was a first vampire kill. To be honest, I had forgotten too. Turns out she thought it was the fairy Bouviers responsible because Magnus ran when she went to question him. She asks how Anita knew he was a fairy – he looks human enough – and Anita goes into Lecture Mode.

They argue about whether Magnus is guilty for a monumental waste of a two pages and then finally start talking about that pesky little murder investigation. Freemont reveals that the grieving parents want to sue Anita. Ha! Anita proposes that the vampires took Jeff in order to taunt them, and just then, the Feds come in, like cookies who look nothing like each other (I have no idea). One of them tells Anita he thought she’s be taller, after all the lectures he’s heard on her and after Wallace’s glowing report. Freemont and the feds start arguing, and Anita tells them they’re being stupid. True enough, Anita.

The Feds want Anita to get them in touch with the legit vampire community because it turns out they really don’t need this bad publicity. Ha ha, vampire PR. The feds are understandably perplexed at the notion that the vampires would be more willing to talk to Anita the Executioner than them, but she promises to give them the names of any local vampires willing to talk.

She calls up JC… and it’s drink time! One ma petite on the bottom of this page and a whopping five on the next. He’s clearly missed his short, angry darling. He calls her out for being rude, as if that’s news. She wants to talk to the local Master, and he warns her that she’ll need a guide. I wonder who that’ll be!

Another seven ma petites on the next two pages as she grudgingly asks him to help her and they work out logistics. JC makes the astounding leap that she feels responsible, and he gets super serious when she mentions Skeletor-pire. Another eight ma petites on the next two pages, and it comes out that Skeletor-pire likes little boys in a bad way. JC sounds ominous, but he won’t reveal anything on the phone.

The Feds let Anita and co. leave after extended questioning, and then it’s back to meet Bitchy Senior Party Stirling. I almost forgot about him! She’s in a bad mood, and Larry informs her that she’s being rude. Are these guys new here? She angsts about Beth St. John and about Skeletor raping Jeff as they walk up the moonlit graveyard while Stirling whines at her for being rude. Then she shifts gears to ponder her lifelong affinity with the dead, and she and Larry talk shop.

She stands atop the hill, thinks about the pretty moon and pretty wind and pretty trees, and Larry gets spooked by a weird cold psychic wind emanating from Anita. Har har. Wind. A bunch of ghosts start popping up, and just as things start getting interesting, Magnus Bouvier strides onto the scene. Bitchy Senior Partner Stirling orders his underling to shoot the man with a freakin shotgun, but Anita talks him down with the help of her own firearm. Turns out Stirling wanted Anita’s display of power to annoy Bouvier, and Anita decides to talk to Fairy Boy alone.

Bouvier begs her not the raise the dead, but when he refuses to answer, Anita changes the subject to his little flight from justice. He admits to being unseelie court and threatens Anita in a vague magical kind of way. He pretends to surrender and then magicks himself away just before she can cuff him. Funny, I thought he’d like that sort of thing. The ghosts are still cavorting around the hillstop as Anita and Larry leave, wondering if Stirling revoked the offer of their hotel rooms after they sent him running at gunpoint.

They get back to the hotel, and Anita reveals that she doesn’t drink. Doesn’t drink, doesn’t fuck, gee no wonder she angsts all the time. The suite sounds hideous – pink wallpaper, red carpet, purple couch – but Anita seems to like it. As she’s admiring the décor, JC appears from the bedroom door! He’s clad in a poofy-sleeved shirt frothing with lace, a velvet black vest, and thigh high boots. I don’t even know what he’s going for. Three more ma petites as he ogles her and tells her how hot she is.

Nine more ma petites on the next two pages, good lord. JC tells her they’ll go talk to the Master the next night and is all confused about why the idea of Skeletor raping a twelve-year old kid is so disturbing to her. As they’re talking about the events of the evening involving Magnus, Stirling’s underling shows up and offers his apologies and a bonus. Anita also apparently doesn’t take bonuses from people who lie to her; the bodies are older than she was told. Not even she can raise zombies that old without a human sacrifice, but whatever, she’s still hired and gets to stay in the hideous honeymoon suite. Three more ma petites before she goes to tell Larry the news.

Three more ma petites, and our old friend Were-Jason is at the door! He’s wearing a bizarre outfit of a giant black sweater and laced-up leather pants. Turns out he’s JC’s new pet, and he’s there for show when they go meet the local Master, Xavier. Anita refuses to play along as JC’s human servant – no shit – and he glows irritably at her, “like some kind of live sculpture made of light, jewels, and stone.” Is that supposed to be seximous? Six more ma petites, and it comes out that Xavier seems to have stolen JC’s coffin. But where ever will he sleep today??

Three more ma petites, and Anita is weirdly hostile to the idea of Larry going off with Jason to find the coffin. Shouldn’t she be hurrying this along? They leave, JC gets the bed, and she gets the couch. Sucker. Larry returns with McDonald’s and a luggage-bearing Jason. Jason is blasé about coffins and the stress of were-life, mentioning something about yet another struggle for dominance in the pack that Were-Richie never told her about. Jason teases her a little, and she tells him he’s not scary. He growls at her, and she threatens to shoot him. Geez, Anita’s Hostile Ray is at super capacity today.

Apparently it was all just a were-bonding ritual, and now Anita is dominant to Jason because Larry backed her up. Anita gets huffy about Jason staying in Larry’s suite, and somehow the conversation turns into Jason and Larry agreeing that JC is way scarier than Anita. Anita might be more trigger happy, they say, but JC would draw things out unpleasantly. She puts her foot down, so Jason stays with her – in bed with JC, naturally. She finds this shocking!

Finally, Anita gets to stumble to her couch, put up her guns, but instead of drifting off to sleep recalls her promise to tell the feds if she gets the name of any local vamps. She pages Fed Bradford, who calls her after just having woken up. She wins, though, by informing him she hasn’t even got to bed yet. Oh burn! Instead of being grateful for the name, however, he insists on knowing where she got it. Anita muses about politics some more, and I’m very amused to know that the ACLU once sued the cops for accidentally transferring a vampire to windowed cell.

The Feds know there’s a vampire hanging around, and he threatens to send a couple of his guys to her hotel room. He tells her to stay the fuck out of the case until they call her in (gee, that has a long history of going well), and finally our heroine gets some sleep.

Part two coming soon!

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3 Responses to "Recap – Anita Blake, Bloody Bones, pt. 1"

Hee! I’m glad you’re back to doing these again.

Anita makes me randomly hostile.

Also, Bouvier was Jackie Kennedy’s maiden name. But it’s funnier to picture Magnus with long, flowing blue hair. (Or maybe wearing a pillbox hat? It’s a toss up.)

Thanks, Linnea! I’m glad too. I missed it! JC’s outfits alone make it worth the return, let alone the nipples of steel.

Fshk, dude, she makes me want to s… spit. Yes. That. Also, considering that Magnus is a big ol’ fairy, I’m pretty sure he can be wearing a pillbox hat over long, flowing blue tresses.

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