Books to the Sky

Recap: The Killing Dance (part two), by Laurell K. Hamilton

Posted on: September 8, 2009

The most hotly-anticipated recap of the summer has finally arrived–this time, with sexxins!

Part Two!

Chapter twenty opens in a hideous mauve hospital room, where Anita has just kept Monica company during the birth of her half-pire baby. She has Band-aids on her hand from where Monica dug her nails into Anita’s palm, but now the new mommy is asleep. As she contemplates the security guard outside, the phone rings – Eddie! He brings the news that the hit on her life, and the deadline, has been extended another day. Oh noes! He suggests that Anita hide at Circus of the Damned, ha. She protests, but it’s pretty half-hearted. It sounds like Eddie will plan to pick her up at the police station after she asks for a spare bulletproof vest.

Then she calls Richie, who gets pissy about Eddie’s plan but is mollified when they agree that he can come stay with her. They exchange “love yous” but not a goodbye, which Anita thinks was a Freudian slip. Wait, how’s that? She contemplates everybody at Circus beating each other up, which sounds like good times to me! Eddie whisks her away to the Circus after she finishes giving her statement and narrowly avoids being charged with murder. Jason, clad in a see-through plastic outfit (ugh), welcomes them, but Eddie is in no mood for jocularity. He drops her off with a warning to stay out of sight.

Jason comments that, for someone who doesn’t like flirting, Anita sure has a lot of guys after her! Come on, I just started this recap, spare me Jason! JC’s living room is monochromatic, of course, except for a painting of old-timey people – which includes JC himself! Um, gasp? But who cares, because JC’s shirt covers his nipples! Drink! It also flashes his midriff, which seems very odd for a shirt with long, old-timey sleeves and beading and shit. Instead of flirting, though, he asks about Robert straight off, and he actually seems sad about it. Another three ma petites as they discuss the painting. Five more on the next two pages, still on the subject of the painting and JC’s age.

JC used to hang around the folks in the painting, another vampire and his human servant, but events beyond JC’s control conspired so the servant died. Now the other vampire wants Anita dead, but the vampire council rejected his petition. Six more ma petites (nobody on the face of the planet calls anyone a pet name THIS MUCH) as Jason insults the lady in the painting, JC does something threatening, they talk about Richie, and JC says this in his sexy voice. Five more to round out the chapter with JC showing Anita to her (their?) sleeping quarters. As they walk, she ogles his butt and blames him for it.

Another monochromatic room, and only one remarkably restrained ma petite as we get dumped with description of JC’s awesome new bathroom. Yes, monochromatic. She thinks about how, if Richie were next door, she would totally jump his bones (despite being horribly exhausted), but JC’s another story altogether. And she contemplates freshening up her make-up because God forbid she look a little peaky after an assassination attempt, but she changes her mind to spite JC. Eight ma petites while Anita enters the bedroom again, JC tells her how beautiful she is, and she angsts over her stepmother’s Aryan features. Four more as this conversation continues – only woman to have refused JC, her strength of will is soooo amazing, she’s a challenge, he loves her, she can marry Richie if she wants now, she truly wubs Richie.

Nine more – good lord! – as he advises her on her love life with Richie. Then he gets into that weird Anita Blake-verse logic I hate – if you love him, you should be able to kiss me – and as she oh-so-reluctantly agrees, Richie walks in. The full moon is soon, and he’s on the verge of were-ing out. Oooh, fisticuffs! Anita throws herself at him and is shocked when he tosses her aside. She gets out a knife and is holding it to his throat when he comes back to himself. Aw, shucks. Two more ma petites while tempers cool a bit, and Anita kicks JC out of the room. Hooray! With one more ma petite, he asks that they not fuck on his bed, and Anita angsts some more about Richie’s were-power.

They hug, and a sadly beat-up Jason crawls into the room, and Anita is skeeved out as Richie licks up the blood on his face, from the wounds he inflicted when Jason tried to keep Richie out. Then Richie gives Jason some of his blood in return – turnabout’s fair play – and then Jason skedaddles. More pack politics before they make out and Anita demands he change for her so they can start planning the wedding. Woah there! But he refuses; apparently she has to see the whole pack change. All these rules, Richie! So difficult! He leaves the room, and Anita falls asleep, only to wake up to WereCass hovering over her.

They boys have a plan! When she emerges, she sees Richie dressed in, I shit you not, royal purple shorts slide high up the thigh, and JC is wearing a fur-lined black robe. Where do these people shop?? Poor Anita is so hard up for some action that she can’t even look at Richie in his clinging purple shorts. JC starts nattering, and their plan is to whip up some magic together, the three of them, that depends on lust but, Richie assures her, doesn’t require sex. Suuuure. Three ma petites on these two pages and three on the next, despite JC leaving the room about halfway through to let Richie and Anita get started. Ahem.

I’m sorry, I can’t get over this. Purple pajama shorts slit up the thigh? For men?? Well anyway, Richie and Anita definitely do get started, and soon enough they’re on the floor. Then JC returns, wearing black pajamas, and things get awkward for a moment. JC is remarkably restrained—only one ma petite on this page and three on the next two. I almost laugh aloud when Anita describes herself as “being eaten from both ends like a piece of wood going up in flames.” No, not like that. Yet. There’s some serious homoerotica when JC bites Richie, after Anita says that their power orgy needs blood.

Some magic whoosh happens. Three more ma petites as they discuss what exactly Anita did with that magic whoosh. And then Richie announces that the wolves are coming! Also, there are zombies, thanks to Anita, though they seem to be getting in the way. Anita calls the wolves off “her” zombies, and all but Jason comply. There’s a moment of Random Anita Hostility as they debate this. Then there’s this bizarre moment where Richie’s all “I won’t let no girl lead the pack!” and Anita’s all, “Well, okay, sure.”

But that’s not all that Anita did! Apparently she can call vampires too, and they’re lingering outside the Wolf Fight-y Room, just hanging out. Six more ma petites as JC explains all this. He’s a little freaked out! She reveals that she had raised ElliePire awhile back, leaving Magnus to burn when he dragged her into the sunlight. Richie’s horrified, but geez, it was Anita’s life or theirs. There are about seven ma petites during this discussion, as Anita angsts and Richie looks at her in horror. JC adds to the fun by forbidding them to tell anyone about this, lest the Vampire Council come and try to whack Anita.

So then the scheme is to de-raise the vampires, and somehow WereCass invited herself along. Richie and Anita randomly burst into Makings-Out. Three more ma petites as… something involving blood and JC happens, sorta like Makings-Out but with blood. Anyway, we proceed to the coffin room, where Anita ogles everyone’s private things. Richie and Anita angst about where the blood will come from for the de-raising. At one point Anita actually asks Richie “what are you bitching about?” which makes my day. There’s a minor magic whoosh, but Anita has A Plan which involves calling Dominic, who I barely remember. Was he UglyFace’s human servant? Ah yes, the necromancer.

JC laughs at something Dominic says, and it touches Anita “deep inside where no hand belonged.” Woah there. They keep chatting as Anita sets up the Great De-Raising and JC lets loose with half a dozen ma petites. For reasons that are beyond me, Dominic wants Anita to heal first one of the zombies, then one of the vamps. Success, of course! This means that maybe Anita could heal UglyFace. More magicking ensues, some business about auras and blood, which gets everyone in the room riled up. By the way, I keep losing track of who’s in this scene. It’s Dominic, Anita, her boys, raised vampires, and random Weres who tagged along with Richie. I thought JC didn’t want anyone knowing about Anita’s pire-raising trick.

Okay, zombies are back in the ground! Now to the vampires. Two of them are succesfully de-raised, but Damian (of the mind-rape episode at the club) proves difficult. She comes to with her boys hovering around her. Damian’s de-raised, and Anita’s fine, hooray. Five more ma petites as people argue despite these facts. Something important does emerge; namely, Richie and JC have agreed that JC is going to mark Richie so’s Richie can access his power during his upcoming fight with Marcus. JC doesn’t want to mark her again, even to save her, ostensibly because he doesn’t want to force himself upon her and incur her wrath, but it comes out that with her ever-increasing powers, he’s unsure of who would be the master and who the servant in that relationship.

And then… Edward is back! Woohoo! He introduces them to Harley, a ginger with more soulless empty eyes. I’m starting to think Eddie and Harley get special Empty Soulless Eyez © contact lenses for effect. Anyway, Eddie’s discovered that Marcus is the one hiring assassins to off Anita. Um, gasp? But what’s really bugging Anita is that Harley keeps staring after her, so after a little confab with Eddie, she asks him about it.

Because she’s the scariest motherfucker in the room. Of course. As the conversation progresses, Anita insists to us that Harley’s really crazy, which I’m not picking up on at all, except that he looks at the ground and says that it would be really bad if both Eddie and she died. Apparently he needs someone to give him orders, or else..?!?! Back to plotting, which naturally requires dressing in more of JC’s ludicrous costumes. Anita squeezes into a leather bra with matching shorts, various knife sheaths, and boots, ugh. WereCass does her make-up, and I completely fail to see how this is necessary to a fight to the death. Eddie makes a joke (!) and insinuates that he’s gone undercover as a stripper for a past job. Or at least that’s how I choose to interpret it.

Is there any way Hamilton could write a spin-off series about The Adventures of Eddie and Harley? Because I would so be there. Anyway, Richie emerges in black leather pants and a blue silk shirt, and when Anita sways toward him, he looks all nervous. Dude, it’s just your girlfriend draped in dead cow. They trot outside and chit-chat before another magic whoosh occurs. They run through the woods to find the Weres gathered ’round, dressed in various ridiculous outfits—or in Raina’s case, gold body glitter. She and Anita stalk sexily around each other, and then Raina slinks off and Anita makes out with Richie. Because this is the appropriate time and place for that.

Richie transforms partway with Anita holding his hand, and they say something meaningful about what Anita will do if Richie goes down. And then the fight begins! Marcus’s cohort tries to cheat, but Anita’s ready with the gun Eddie provided. And then, way too soon, Richie rips out Marcus’s heart, and that’s that. That’s all?! Richie tells her to put down the gun, but she wants to kill Raina for trying to interfere. They tussle, and then there’s a serious magic whoosh. Anita freaks out, Richie transforms a little more, and Anita takes off running as the pack set to eating the remains of Marcus, covered in the goo Weres leak when they transform.

Four more ma petites as Anita returns to the club, just in case an assassin is still lurking, and JC finds her there, all upset and freaking out. Five more as JC holds her while she cries, and despite her freaked-outedness, Anita is suspicious of how nice he’s being. Good on her. He runs her a bath, and while she’s modestly covered in bubbles, returns to the bathroom for a chat. He tries to be seductive but ends up falling into the bathtub, which I must admit is a pretty funny mental image.

And then… bathtub lovin’! There’s a good deal of licking and kissing and caressing going on, but suddenly JC stops and climbs out of the bathtub, a little discombulated at his loss of control. Or starts to, before Anita nabs him again. And then he’s nakee! And uncircumcised! Now, I’m amused that “no sex before marriage” Anita knows what cut and uncut penises look like. I guess she’s been doing her research.

I cannot follow what positions these people are rotating through during this scene. They’re standing up now, I think, as now they get very serious. Fingers are going places. A shuddering sigh later, he finds a condom out of thin air, and yep! We have intercourse, people! Repeat, we have intercourse! Then he’s pressing her against the side of the tub (ow) and biting her, and she’s watching them in the mirrors. Good heavens. A wave of pleasure bursts over her, but he’s not done! I really hope JC has no-slip bathtub sticker things.

They switch positions again, this time with JC on the bottom of the tub (ow!) and Anita on top. Half a dozen more ma petites, which… really? That’s the sexiest thing you can think to call her, JC? Then they have some kind of mind meld and simulatenous orgasms. Four more ma petites during the afterglow, and Anita can’t help angsting a little, though I should think that a naked, wet vampire beneath her would lead her mind in other directions.

She wakes up to some random dude asking her if she wants breakfast. Of course she pulls a gun on him, and then Richie walks in. Awkwardsauce! There’s a lot of yelling and tearing up of the bed, and then Richie walks out. I guess it’s too much to hope that he’s taken his orange ties and left for good? WereCass comes in a moment later to help Anita re-make the bed, which ends with a surprise punch in the face that knocks Anita out cold.

This time when she awakes, she’s tied up to a bed, and WereGabriel is stalking around in leather and piercings. Raina’s there too, as is WereCass. She’s UglyFace’s wolf, which led to her betraying Anita to Raina… how? WereCass decides to make out with Anita, which the latter doesn’t really approve of. Then Gabriel licks her, ew. Raina and Cass bitch about something, and Anita tries to persuade Cass not to sacrifice the beloved trio to save UglyFace.

Cass leaves to take care of other things, something about luring Richie and JC here to kill them, and Raina and Gabriel gear up to make another of their snuff porn films. Gabriel starts making out with her amid sexy chit-chat about how he became a Were. And Anita has A Scheme! They stop the film because Anita’s too short to get on tape, and she persuades Gabriel to let her try to kill him while he’s raping her. Um, hot? He agrees, pain freak that he is.

They tie her back up, and Gabriel slips her her knives. As things get rolling again, he slashes her whilst partway transformed, which means that Anita might wake up furry next month! Oh noes! She manages to stab him, but he just likes it. While she’s strugging with Gabriel, Richie and JC are doing something in her head. She shoves her thumbs into Gabriel’s eyes, ew, and then stabs him again before Raina storms in and breaks it up. Anita grabs her gun and shoots Raina, hooray!

Eddie and Harley show up just as Anita’s got everything taken care of. Gee, thanks guys. Harley is adorably crazy. The three of them dash off—Anita in her panties—to save Richie and JC. The Evil Trio have Richie and JC tied up, JC hung with crosses. Anita can’t cross the Evil Magic Circle, but Eddie and Harley can. Much shooting follows, blasting Dominic and Cass and finally UglyFace to bloody shreds. Harley freaks out because he’s crazy, and Anita kills him. Eddie’s a little pissed, but Anita has other things to worry about. Before he died, Dominic stabbed Richie through the heart and now not only is he dying, but because of their connection, JC is going to die too. Uh oh!

Six ma petites as JC is being heroic and Anita argumentative. He finally gives in, and more magic angsty whoosh happens. And then… we awaken with Anita again, this time in the hospital. Eddie’s watching over her, and he reveals that JC and Richie are still alive. Well, duh! They nearly kill each other, but instead Anita agrees that, since she killed Harley, she’ll help Eddie next time he needs back-up.

So Anita recovers and doesn’t turn Were at the next full moon. She’s with JC now because Richie is still being difficult, but they’re still In Wub. Monica’s baby is okay, and when Anita’s dad saw her on TV with JC, he called left her a very worried, Catholic voicemail. Ha.

And that’s the end! Well, looks like Richie and JC and Anita will never have another power orgy again. OR WILL THEY???

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1 Response to "Recap: The Killing Dance (part two), by Laurell K. Hamilton"

This is actually worse then the book if possible. Quit while you are…well, just quit.

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